I saw this question in a local online group the other day: “Anyone have any luck with an online therapist?” This question in the midst of our current circumstances got me thinking of my own journey with technology and virtual work.
My Own Online Evolution
I remember reading a message a number of years ago from my professional association stating that they were considering offering workshops online for the first time and were looking for feedback from their members. This from an organization focused on relationships… My initial response was “How could we feel the depth of that work through a computer?” and “It just won’t translate to online learning.” This memory and my reaction came to mind the other day as I was going about my day, planning for online meetings and the current needs of an online practice. I quietly laughed at the irony. Since then I have learned, like so many people, to appreciate the benefits of online learning especially during seasons in my life when traveling was too difficult or cost prohibitive.
As I returned to my practice after being home with my daughter for several years I was even more determined to find ways to offer support to parents with young children as early and easily as possible. I understood the isolation, fears and exhaustion unique to early parenting in a new way and I wanted to make a difference. I also recognized how hard it was for me to find support and community. Offering online coaching to parents, child therapy, and family therapy is one way of breaking down those barriers to support.
All of these experiences and reflections have been coming forward as I think about the unique place we are in during this pandemic. So many changes, losses, and limitations that have created new layers of stress for both parents and children.
As a parent myself, I can say that I have felt like I have had a handle on the changes at times … for a minute … and then something shifts. I know I am not alone in this feeling of being on a roller coaster or the itchy feeling of wanting things to get back to “normal.” In lots of ways it can feel like we are just holding our breath until the orders are lifted. Then we can exhale and eventually address some of the important needs that we had put on hold or that have arisen along the way. Yet, as we get closer to that time here in Michigan it is becoming clear to me that things won’t be returning to “normal” for us or our children for quite some time (and likely never quite the same). Just the other day our governor shared in an interview that she can’t imagine school being the same in the fall, “with 30 kids to a classroom”… And so this world that includes social distancing and virtual communication is likely going to be a part of our collective experience for a while longer.
3 Scenarios Where an Online Therapist Can Help
If one of the important needs on your list has been to find a therapist for your child or family but you have been hesitant to start the process when online is your only option, here are three ways an online therapist can help now:
If you and/or your child are showing signs of distress now due to the loss of routines and relationships
If behavior you were concerned about in your child has been magnified during this time of sheltering together and/or your tank is on empty after weeks of juggling all-of-the-things at home while your entire “village” social distancing, now may be an excellent time to find someone who is a good fit for you and your family. With most therapists offering some version of virtual therapy it is a great time to interview prospective therapists to find one you connect with, who uses an approach that resonates with you and has the unique set of skills and knowledge you are looking for.
While professional licensing standards around the provision of therapy may be relaxed during this time of crisis you will want to consider what your longer term needs are and whether you might like to shift to in-person meetings eventually. If so, geography is an important consideration. If you are looking for therapy that is short-term or ongoing but online, you could choose to broaden your search beyond your town or county to include licensed therapists or counselors within your state. State licensing standards usually restrict the provision of counseling or therapy to clinicians licensed within your state.
Once you have found someone who fits your needs you can begin with virtual parent sessions to help support you and your own regulation and resilience during this time of crisis; share information about your family and child’s history, strengths and challenges; and begin to learn ways to shift your perspective and approach to help your child best cope. All from the comfort and privacy of your own home!
2. If you have a child who is enjoying being home now but needs extra support around transitions and change
It may be helpful to think ahead to the supports your child will need to cope with the next wave of changes as we gradually open and resume life in our community. Beginning a therapeutic relationship with a therapist now offers the opportunity to broaden your child’s window of tolerance for stress and build overall resilience. Having a supportive relationship with a therapist in place as you adjust work and school routines, builds in another layer of support and consistency for all of you.
3. If you have a unique family, child or need
When looking for coaching or consultation from someone with expertise with a specific experience (for example adoption, foster care, trauma) or condition, you need not be limited to the professionals in your town or even your nearest city. Seasoned therapists with specialized knowledge and skills may make their services more broadly available by offering virtual coaching or consultation. Often they offer these services across state lines and some even internationally. I will offer an example from my own life:
Just a few years ago I was looking for support to help me work through some of my own struggles as a new parent. I had local connections and I used some of those. I was also drawn to a psychotherapist I had been following online for a while. Her writing spoke to me and, in addition to compassion and warmth, she had a unique blend of specialized training and experience in the areas that I intuitively recognized I most needed help. While she lived hundreds of miles from me, I knew from following her that in addition to psychotherapy she offered virtual coaching sessions. After reading and reading I decided to take the leap and reach out to her. That move led to a relationship that has served as an ongoing anchor for me as I have navigated lots of change and growth over the last 4 years. Even though we haven’t met continuously since then I continue to benefit from the work we have done and the knowledge of her ready presence should I be in need of support again. I am so grateful. The experience has also opened my eyes and heart to what is possible at a distance. In my field, we often talk about the “holding space” that a therapist creates for a client to do important, healing work. I can attest that a skilled person can create and carry that “holding space” across time and space. That is the power of relationship.
We are wired for relationship, all of us. It isn’t optional. Social distancing and even quarantine need not equal isolation. Support is available and can be incredibly helpful in building resilience and helping you and your children thrive again. Imagine coming out of this crisis with new insights, skills and stronger relationships with your children and partner. It is possible!
Click the link to learn more about my approach to Child Therapy
If you would like to explore how I could be of help to your family during this crisis and beyond, please click the button below to send me a note to request a free 45 minute discovery session. During the video discovery session we can talk about your needs and my approach and determine if we are the right fit for one another. If not, I am happy to help you find someone who is.
Jeri Lea Kroll is a psychotherapist and parent coach specializing in early childhood, parenting, trauma, attachment across the lifespan and adoption using a lens informed by attachment theory and the relational neurosciences. She is also an adopted person and adoptive parent. She provides relationship-focused therapy and coaching to individuals, parents and families virtually from her office in Michigan.
Jeri Lea offers a free 30 minute discovery session to those considering parent coaching, child counseling or family therapy. You can request a discovery session by clicking the button below.